Today’s Mom Tears™ are brought to you by “What in heck have I done to deserve this?” and “I apologize in advance to my neighbours”
Here it is spring, I have already had my windows open and plan on opening them as often as possible. For this I am sorry. I send apologies near and far. You see spring also brings with it the annual bring home of the school instruments. I thought the trumpet was a punishment for past sins. It seems that the powers above have decided hours of Hot Cross Buns solo trumpet version was in fact not enough.
How in all that is good could the staff at the school (Amazing staff and because of that an amazing school) send home my VERY dramatic daughter home with a @#$&*#% TUBA. Do you have any idea how painful it is to hear the incredibly LOUD and SLOW version of Hot Cross Buns with a smile on your face while trying not to wince in pain?!?!? Then lie
to her sweet face and say it was good?? I did do a quick look to the ceiling to check for lightning thinking for sure my fib would cause me to be struck down …. NO SUCH LUCK.
May I remind you I have seven children four of whom are still young enough to want to try any instrument that comes through the door. ALSO keep in mind we are not the Brady Bunch, this crew thinks nothing of a quick jab or shove while voices escalate with dissatisfaction in taking turns.
I don’t think I will ever be able to eat a Hot Cross Bun again! Not slathered in butter, peanut butter, cream cheese, slices of old cheddar. They will forever now taste like off key stomach acid…is that even a thing you may be asking? Come on over you tell me!!
Oh, my beautiful child did tell me she was bringing it home tonight. I truly hoped my stalling tactic of not going to pick her up after school in my rocket-van would halt its arrival. NO SUCH LUCK. I did get a text from one of the EA’s “Have fun with the Tuba” I think she was being sarcastic… Great lady and a friend. Perhaps I should see if she would like another child this weekend and slip the brass weight into her car. BAHAHAHA. UGH Who am I kidding she would gladly welcome both into her home and probably offer to empty the spit valve.
Fun facts: The Tuba can sound like a digeridoo, a beat box and of course a tuba (I think, anyways not too sure on that yet)
Spit accumulates quickly within it.
No one wants their spit to mix with in its depths.
You cannot cup-of-cheese someone while holding a tuba in your lap. (If you don’t know about cup-of-cheese you don’t have teen age boys and are far better off not knowing)
You can play a note that includes the bonus of shooting a sibling the bird.
No matter how bad it is and how much you lie lighting will NOT strike you dead in the living room.
Tomorrow evening we will hold practice outside. Please close your windows and look to the skies…. sunshine and lightning mean I totally got busted lying.