Today’s Mom Tears™ are brought to you by “I am not a hairdresser” and “Hairdressers are far more skilled then they get credit for” With special appearance by “Why do I do these things?”
First off let me begin by saying thinking you are able to PROPERLY bleach your hair, within 30 minutes and look like the girl on the box I have news for you. YOU WON’T. She has had an entire team of PROFESSIONALS working on her luscious locks, a make up crew and let’s not forget the camera crew who has photo editing tools beyond that of us commoners. Knowing this important information does not stop any of us from reaching for the boxed dye. You know you have done it. That greenish brown “Ash brown” I believe they call it. At some point in time (us older gals dabbled with sun-in … again hair never taking on the sun kissed look, more of an escaped canary with a highlighter under wing look) we women are foolish in believing colouring our hair at home is wise. It may be when we were fifteen, then again blue eye shadow and shoulder pads were once wise as well.
I made a terrible mistake.
I thought I could tackle my hair on my own. I was wrong. I am grateful that the plan I was concocting to give my hair a quick trim was postponed due apprehension, well that and I could not hold scissors and the mirror at the correct angle. Oh, I am stubborn.
After applying the boxed bleach to my head. I covered it with a plastic shopping bag. Why? Well because hairdressers cover heads with plastic bags…something about heating up the bleach?
I’m not actually sure why; usually by this point at the salon I am way to relaxed to focus on what is being done. I waited the proper time adding on an extra ten minutes for good measure. Then rinsed which required bending over the bath tub and soaking my shirt. Applied the “professional” conditioning/toning agent. Waited the five suggested minutes then added another five cause its how I roll. Bad ass rule breaking at home stylist that I am. I looked at my work in the mirror.
Thankfully I had a bit of toner. The good stuff in the cupboard. I felt at the time that it would remedy my straw like glow. Of course, I did not measure …. I was still not truly panicked. Full of false hope? Yes. Did it work? Ummmm NO.
I then took my sorry self to the local drug store. In another town……
I purchased peroxide 40% and a bag of blue bleach and hurried out of there like I stole it. I did not steal it. I did however ask the young girl who served me not to pass judgement. She looked me straight in the eye and said she had seen worse. GASP!
I returned home put on the soaking wet shirt I wore earlier in the bathroom/salon and began mixing properly allotted amounts of both blue bleach/peroxide. To step up my services offered I treated myself to a brand-new shopping bag. Put the kitchen timer on and waited. I felt I needed more time after the buzzer went so I added another ten minutes.
Rinse, wash, condition and one more condition …. My hair was really sucking it up.
Towel dried my hair gave a confident spin move to have a peek at my hair in the mirror……
WHAT HAVE I DONE??? IT WAS WORSE!!!
I was overcome with fits of giggles. I could not stop. THEN IT HIT ME. Hot stomach and panic took over.
I am not a hermit. I have to leave the house and I cannot have cars slowing down thinking I am a yellow light or slamming on their breaks thinking Big Bird is on main street.
WHAT IS A GIRL TO DO?
This girl got her phone out and text a friend:
With her magic fingers and an actual certificate that allows one to mess with hair chemicals…the end result is not bad at all considering the mess I had made.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you xoxo
Side note and also a fun fact: The gloves that come in the boxes of bleach? The ones they say you should wear? Yeah about those…..Wear them. Cause if you do not you WILL have an entire layer of skin come off of your hands and not in the fun peel glue off like when you were in kindergarten more of a fish descaling flaking mess.
Now hairdressing may not be my thing and there was an incident with a waxing pot a few years back. I should stick to cooking.