Today’s Mom Tears™ are brought to you by “expectation, realization” and “learning to accept someone else’s truths”
Have you ever been punched in the stomach? I’m not talking about an accidental elbow or an off-balance poke. I mean a full-blown, bend you in half, can’t breathe fall to the floor gut buster. Fortunately, I have not had the physical blows however I am still in the midst of an actions speak louder than words assault.
I like to think I am a cheerful, look for the good kind of girl.
Most of the time I am.
Most of the time I will extend giving the benefit of the doubt beyond its expiration date.
I have with one aspect of my life been jabbed one too many times. Oh, that does not mean the expectation dwindles and when the lack of effort put forth comes to light again, I can’t help but to feel lost in the forest of disbelief.
Foolishly I rise to anger and am left hurt trying to see how I can fix it … take away the sting. EVERY darn time I put forth an ounce of give two are taken back. I am however SLOWLY coming to the realization that some situations will NOT change no matter how much I want to believe they will. Hummm this only leaves one option. Accepting truths held in the hands of others. This may take a bit of reflective time and piles of chocolates cause its so much easier said than done.
I pride myself on ALWAYS placing those around me first. It is not a mom thing, it is a human reaction. I do not walk around with the attitude of if it doesn’t affect me then who cares or if it is inconvenient, I’m not doing it.
Life is an entire event of inconveniences that affect us and sadly we each come across others who for some reason (I could insert an entire list of explicit descriptive words alas I don’t have that much time) learn this much later in life or worse never at all.
The struggle I am currently having is the cost involved and watching the effects of others truths knowing deep in my being that one day (perhaps) the realization of what was so convenient in the now will have a price tag far to large to ever attain back in the future.
So here I am, taking deep breaths, hoping, praying and slowly moving to the side pushing myself to refocus while letting go of any and all expectation.
Yes, I am mourning the loss of caring but know the energies wasted will find new and productive outlets. The next jab will stop short of knocking me over. I’ve put on a titanium shield, which apparently is one of the newest hottest fashion trends. Its light, complements any outfit also it really draws attention away from my tin foil hat!