Today’s Mom Tears™ are brought to you by “Come and see how cool this is” and “I am sorry I made you blue” sponsored in part by “I cannot decide if it’s mermaid dust washing off me or I am in fact a Smurf”
I am a half asser. I do things on the fly and not necessarily correctly, but I do in fact accomplish a lot. If you look at my work with a tilted head and from a distance its down right perfect. My partner on the other hand is methodical. He also uses tools like a level, a measuring tape, a chalk line….I use a glass of water, my arm (in some cases a broom handle) and I eye ball it.
I need to clarify that earlier this season I did add lovely dye to our pond with tremendous success and not a drop anywhere else. I felt deep with in my being it needed a fresh up prior to hosting our family reunion in a matter of days.
Perhaps, I was cocky.
Perhaps, just perhaps I was being taught a life lesson in doing things properly …. Nah …. I mean I would be letting the people who love me down. They don’t expect me to full ass anything! They know me as a halved assed winger and oddly enough it is what holds me dear to them. OR they are afraid to back away cause, well, they could get hurt.
ANYWAYS Saturday evening was when I decided to add the new packet of dye. Two of the bigger kiddos were here and I said to them full of exuberance; “Come and see how cool this is” “It is so amazing to watch the water change” Please keep in mind above said mentioned partners methodical personality trait. I had the outer wrapper opened the dissolvable packet poking out of it chanting to myself “Don’t let go of the bag that belongs in the garbage it will surely sink to the bottom and cause some kind of havoc at the very least a look of disapproval” I kept repeating this over and over in quick succession as two members of the gang stood with patience waiting to see the magic show.
I let go of the bag just as a gust of wind came up. Blue particulate dusted the landscape, two children and myself. Here is the thing about this product. You do not see its full effects until it comes in contact with water. I managed to get enough on my son that he had a blue tinged beard, coloured hands, a new pair of work shorts to match his facial hair… you guessed it blue! My oldest girl must have been over just far enough that there was minimal damage done to her outfit, her feet on the other hand were well…..
I thought I was in the clear UNTIL I decided to shower. Everywhere the water touched dye came leaching out of my skin. I was in fits of giggles until I remembered that my hair is a platinum blonde processed crown! I panicked not because the thoughts of blue hair upset me but heaven forbid it would be a patchy blue reminder of my half assed life motto. I flung open the shower curtain followed by the bathroom window asking my knight in shining armour (on a white horse as he was nowhere near the “incident”) to Please bring me the dish soap.
That was three days ago. I have since put on a bathing suit that was under the sundress I wore while entertaining my grown children with the magic of changing the colour of water.
No magic here folks …. I have managed to do something full assed ….. For some reason the song Blue Moon is stuck in my head.