So, I have a fear. Plenty of things unnerve me but as far as actual make me stop and scream, leave the kiddos to fend for themselves fears I have but one.
WORMS! Any size any kind. My reasons are good ones. I think….
1: Worms do not have a face. How am I to stare my fear down when I cannot look it in the eye.
2: They stretch way longer than their actual size. This poses a problem when gardening. No end of the creature in sight. I can’t cozy up into one size then expand to what seems like 50 times normal size. Which would be a feature when trying on bathing suits… short and plump one minute sleek and tall the next.
3: What way are they travelling? How am I to know what direction to run during a mature screaming fit? I said run. It is more of a quickened paced jog with a few hops added arms flailing. Very classy and attractive to onlookers I am sure.
4: They smell. You know those rainy spring days? The smell of the earth assassinates your nostrils? That is worms. Not a scientific fact but one I have taught the gang. I have said on many of those days; “It smells wormey out”
I love gardening. I love the smell of soil. I enjoy feeling it in my hands, even on my toes. It is ruined as soon as I see one of these yucky monsters! I am fully aware of the importance of these slimy devilish thingies. Did you know they can reproduce every TEN days!! Each cocoon holds 1 – 20 worms upon hatching they burrow into the ground to surface wherever I happen to be. One more fact…. They can live from 4 to 8 years!! Where they spend their lives trying desperately to find me and haunt my dreams. I know they have conventions where they probably sip Tequila reminiscing about poor ol’Joe who fell into the bottle. (IF THEY HAD EYES Joe would have been fine!!) They plot their underground invasion to sneak up on me so they can watch my artistic flailing accompanied with perfect pitch screaming.
Wish me luck….I’m off to dig up a few plants.