I love reading. I will read anything I can get my hands on except for labels on any type of medication, that I register to memory immediately. Why? I refuse to give into wearing bifocals (readers, magnified lenses) I think God made a possible mistake in not having our arms grow as we age. If I had longer arms this would not only benefit my reading but would also compensate for my shrinking (I used to be a tall 5’7” and am down to 5’6”) I would use my go go gadget arms to reach things that are a wee bit too high.
Where am I going with all of this? Right…. Reading.
I found a blogger whom I felt was speaking to me. Her site is called DGGYST, Damn, Girl, Get Your Shit Together. The title alone called me by name….I cannot get my ducks in a row let alone get my shit together, and will stand in opened mouthed awe at anyone even remotely appearing too.
Tiara wrote in one post about her birthday and turning thirty. Ahh, a wee babe. However, a very wise babe none the less. At the end of her post titled “A Very Stabby Birthday” there was a list of her capabilities. With the challenge to write our own lists and what you feel like will never change no matter how hard you try? So, I thought I would be open with my list of capabilities and stand naked in the truth of what I feel will never change. Please insert scary music and adjust the lighting so its not too humiliating for me, thank you in advance
I am becoming more and more certain of my voice. I am finding power in the word no and not feeling guilty when I use it…. Most of the time.
I am embracing that some things just don’t matter anymore, and the things that do matter are important to me. When they matter EVERYONE hears about it.
Quiet is its own kind of holy, there is peace in being still. I can now be comfortable with both. It is a rare treat in this house and one I used to run from instead of embrace.
I will not eat cheap chocolate. Life is too short for waxy treats. OK, I will eat it in a pinch if its here, but I no longer buy it.
I am smart enough. I will never be a rocket scientist or a highly sought-after mathematician but I don’t want to be those things anyways. There is joy in knowing I was given the smarts and endurance for my journey. I am in competition with no one, only myself. Good thing too cause I hate competing/sporty things.
I have learned to listen to my friends when their body language says more than words. We don’t always say what we mean and if you watch, really look at someone words are not necessary.
Now for my naked truth. (YIKES) What I feel will never change no matter how high I climb up the mountain or how loudly it is shouted at me. I don’t think I will ever view myself as others see me. There it is…. I still feel like the awkward child with too many freckles, front teeth the size of canoe paddles, bangs that were… well, look at them!
Just a clumsy, messy girl who has only learned with age that a smile hides more than a passerby knows.
There may never come a time when I feel worthy of the amazing life I have or the people in it. That if I make one wrong step I will be left behind sinking in the quick sand.
Did I mention my innate fear of worms? Sinking is one thing but the thought of worms poking me is too much to bare!!
I now ask you to have a look at all you have accomplished over the last while. Smile…. You did more than you thought you could have.